Offer May Vary

Now, for a limited time only,
You get to live.

That's right!

Against the odds posed by billions of years of wanton destruction, wholesale slaughter, disease, famine and environmental upheaval;

And thanks to evolution, DNA and your mom and dad, you have been chosen to receive this limited, one-time-only* offer!

You get time on Earth as a living, sentient being.

And that's not all.

You also get

  • Limbic
  • Nervous
  • And immune systems
  • Extremities (complete with ten-digit grasping set)
  • Ideas
  • Musculature
  • And 14 ounces of gray matter to organize it all!

Amazing, isn't it?

But wait! There's more!

You get
Hysterical laughter
Sexual release
Tingling sensations
Righteous indignation
Burning love --
All right here in
the Milky Way!!

The only place
in the known Universe
Hospitable to life!!!

Our offer comes with
An almost infinite supply
Of sensation
And action!

All in one body!

All you have to do
Is get out of bed,

And your life is on its way!

Act now.

This offer expires
At some indefinite point
In the future.**

You won't want to miss this exciting experience!

We're so confident you'll enjoy this one-time offer that we'll even include a Skeleton internal carrying frame at no extra cost!

But hurry:
Supplies are limited.

The Operator
Is standing by...

--Mr. Gobley

* Offer may vary according to your State. Contact Maker for details.
** supplies are limited. Not available on Mars, Neptune, Mercury, Uranus, Saturn, Venus, the Planet Formerly known as Pluto, or other planetary or astral bodies. No refunds. Please live responsibly.


Anonymous said...


Great Job Mr. Gobley. I knew you had a special funny bone...

Thanks for the smiles this morning...needed them.


Mr. Gobley said...


Thanks for the mighty roar!!

Keep smiling

Richard Lawrence Cohen said...

I'm sold! And I love the first footnote.